what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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