As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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