Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
