I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
