I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
