Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
