I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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