idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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