You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
