ugly people sure do ruin things
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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