Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
