So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
