when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
