Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
