If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Even my vagina gasped.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
