We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
