Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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