If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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