Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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