Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
