fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
