You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
