He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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