Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
