You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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