then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
