That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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