I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
