I must be too annoying 4 u.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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