Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Your dad touched me again.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
