When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I love you.
Bad choice
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