the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
