ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
