I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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