I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
