I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
