I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
