Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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