You can't motorboat a personality
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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