dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
