i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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