You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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