the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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