I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
