I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
