I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
