There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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