the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
