What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
