don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
