Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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