I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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