I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love you. Go after that dick
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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